We have probably all sat in the stands during a ballgame and listened to all of the video game experts that know just what their team should do on any given play, or rules experts that seem to have better eyes and know more about the game than the referee's on the field. Perhaps you have been one of these armchair expert coaches or referee's yourself, maybe you even played the game at some time and now you think that you are the person that should be coaching instead of the clown that your team has hired to do the job. If these things are true then this poem that I wrote a few years ago is for you!

After working with a group of High School football Coaches and being on the field with them for several years I learned the shocking reality of what they go through each week. I find it hard even to this day to sit in the stands now with the rest of the crowd and with the parents of the players. One of the first games that I attended after going back to being a regular fan ended in a loss for our team, and it affected me so much that I woke up Saturday morning and wrote a crude poem about the experience. This is for all of you coaches out there in the real world.

If Dads Were Coaches and Moms Referees!


If Dads were all coaches and Moms Referees

What a wonderful comedy football would be

Sweeps to the right, options to the left

Flags a flying and curses under breath

Let's throw the bomb and run the flea flicker

Don't hit too hard or touch that poor kicker

Defense cries the crowd, don't let them run free

Put ten in the box and let one cover three

Whistles blowing and hands in the air

Someone call timeout I must fix my hair

The score is tied with 4 seconds to go

Send in the water boys Larry, Curly and Moe

Don't give up, we must fight to the end

Three hand offs fake reverse pass into the wind

Line them up pretty for the last play tonight

And don't even think about starting a fight

The stadium is silent all holding their breath

The centers so nervous the snap goes wide left

The Ump makes the catch and she gives it a boot

Right through the uprights oh what a hoot

A conference at midfield no time on the clock

A little girl screaming "there was an illegal block!"

We'll score it one point each, a victory of sorts

Now we all know what it is to be good sports

Alas this can't be, all of that knowledge gets wasted

Victory would be so sure, it could almost be tasted

Lets leave it to Coaches and men from Ref schools

And ban to the stands those wonderful fools

Wouldn't it be great if just for one time

All played their position with the game on the line.

I wonder if any of you have any life experience to share about coaching or refereeing and encounters that you have had with fans, or conversely perhaps you have a story about something funny or silly that a rabid fan did in the stands during a game.