Courtois has just completed his transfer to Real Madrid and he has even been presented in the Bernabeu stadium. He attended a press conference where he spoke about a couple of things. This is my own version of the press conference. It's just for humour, so take it as such.

COURTOIS: "Today is a great day for me. I've just completed my transfer to the club of my dreams. Yes, I dream about Real Madrid every night.

I wanted to bring a razor to this press conference and cut myself to show that I bleed white instead of red. White is the colour of Madrid and that's the colour that runs in my veins. But my agent told me bringing a razor and cutting myself will be totally weird. So let's skip that part..

Real Madrid is the club of my heart. I could open my chest and show you the crest of Madrid on my heart but the club won't allow it and my insurance doesn't cover it.

I received offers from many clubs. For example, I received an offer from Liverpool but I flatly refused. We all know how bad Jurgen's Klopp final records are. This man has lost tons of finals. But I decided to give him a chance. I called him and told him I want to win the UCL. He replied "We don't do that here". It was then I knew I had to look for another club. It was after I refused that he bought Allison. Haha, I wish him all the best.

I also received an offer from Barcelona. I considered Barca's offer seriously but I refused because of Luis Suarez. I was told Suarez loves Belgian food. So, I had to look into other offers.

An offer also came from Paris Saint German. I didn't even think twice about the offer. I called their manager, Tuchel and simply told him I have no interest in winning Ligue 1 trophies. I'm all out for the UCL. So, I declined to look elsewhere.

The only offer that I nearly accepted was the offer from Juventus. Juventus are a great club with a lot of history. But the deal didn't go through because Juventus are broke after signing Cristiano Ronaldo and they couldn't match my wages. I have a family to take care of. There is no way I'm accepting an offer that is not lucrative.

Then, the offer from Madrid came and I couldn't say no. Let me tell you a secret. Please, don't tell the president what I'm about to tell you. One of the reasons I accepted Madrid's offer is because of Sergio Ramos. The guy is a terminator. We all saw how he collided with Karius in the UCL final and gave the guy a concussion. Karius later made 2 high profile errors.

I'm afraid of Ramos and I prefer that I'm in the same team with him than to play against him. Infact, Ramos will even make my work easier. We all saw how he broke Salah's arm in the UCL final. I can't wait to start playing with Ramos.

An offer also came from Bayern Munich. Bayern Munich are a great club with lots of great players but the club is too stingy. The salary they offered me was below what a player of my calibre deserved. I wondered how much they are paying Robben, Lewandowski and Ribery. No wonder Lewandowski wants to leave. I feel for those guys. I cannot imagine myself playing for such a stingy club. 

I cannot finish this press conference without talking about Chelsea fans. Chelsea fans have failed me. Despite all that I gave to the club, despite the fact that I stayed when we finished 6th. Now, that I want to go the club of my heart, they are hating on me. Well, I'm not like De Gea. De Gea is so happy at United and has no ambition to win the UCL. If he really wanted to win the UCL, he would have stood by the fax machine that caused his move to Madrid to fall through a few seasons ago. I trust myself, I would have brought spanners and fixed the fax machine myself.

Well, I still wish Chelsea all the best. I hope they win the Europa league so that I can meet them in the next UEFA super cup. I have to go now. Sergio Ramos wants to take me on a tour of the city. See you another time. Bye!"



That's all fellas. What do you think? Remeber it's meant to be a comic relief. Did you enjoy it?! Drop your comments below. Thanks for reading.

TheFutbolJoker........................