- The Browns offense isn't very good (yet)
Now the Brownsies went into this season looking and very much acting like they’re about to dominate the world with their offense. Take over ALL the standings, Baker throwing for like 5,000 yards, 40+ touchdowns and an Odell Beckham Jr. doing Odell Beckham Jr. things even better, i.e. no more Eli being his QB. But see what has happened is that Baker now feels that since he has OBJ in his arsenal of toys he has to target him like every single play. And no matter what he says, Beckham is simply NOT OPEN EVERY TIME. No. Impossible. Not always bro… Sorry. So now Baker, instead of tossing to let’s see… Jarvis Landry? David Njoku? Antonio Callaway? Or even Nick Chubb. All of which are really really really very good players indeed, he just throws it OBJ’s way. Again, again and again. Now, he has also seemingly just quit on doing normal 5 – 15 yard throws and is trying go 30 plus on every single play. In result Baker Mayfield’s stats so far: 44/73 (not great), 610 yds (decent, but not great), 2 TD, 4 INT (don’t have to be a genius to figure out that that’s actually bad. Bad Bad Bad). Baker needs to figure this out and it’s really just a Baker thing, not a Freddie Kitchens thing, truly, honestly just a Baker thing. Now, the Freddie Kitchens thing is: WHY ARE YOU NOT RUNNING THE BALL MORE? Huh? Why? Freddie stop trying to turn this into the Chiefs and run the ball more. You have fokkin Nick Chubb. Now, sitting 1-1, they still have enough time to figure this out, which I really hope they do as this could be tonnes of fun to watch every week. But they better figure it out quick. Very quick indeed. Their next 5 games? Rams, Ravens, 49ers, Seahawks and the Patriots. Welp, could turn into 1-6 real quick.
2. The Saints offense isn’t very good at all either
See the Saints should have made the Super Bowl last year. I’ll be the first to admit it. But dude. Your offense is like 5 years behind. 5. All you do is short little tiny plays and never even try to throw it down field. Like… Look at the Pats, look at the Rams, look at the Chiefs, F*ck I mean look at the Ravens. You know… The good teams. None of them do what you guys do. Stop b*tching about calls and fix this. I know, I know Brees gone. Ladi-fokkin-da, He’s old anyway. By the way, your backup, now starter Teddy Bridgewater was actually a Pro-bowler. Get it together man. You got the people for it: Kamara and Thomas are otherworldly. So GET. IT. TOGETHER.
3. The NFC West is LOADED
Goddamnit boyss. There’s actually a division that has 4, yes all 4 offenses, that are looking incredibly good. Incredibly good indeed. If not even great. The NFC West features the Rams (2-0), Seahawks (2-0), 49ers (2-0) and Cardinals (0-1-1). Now the first two teams com of no surprise – The Rams are great, we know that. The Seahawks somehow also great every single year. GIVE RUSSEL WILSON (who’s coincidentally sponsoring TWO athletic brands just by having his name) SOME LOVE. Love solves everything. Russel Wilson solves everything. Be happy for Russel Wilson. Be happy for love. Love Russel Wilson and receive love in return. Now the next two teams. I know man… I’m goddamn surprised. I had pretty much given up on Jimmy G. Really. But I mean… He’s looking like a real dude and in turn the 49ers are looking like a real team. Props to them man! Just hope that he doesn’t get hurt again. Now the Cardinals, as you got to see, haven’t won a game yet. But still, this Kyler Murray/Kliff Kingsbury thing somehow really seems to be working. And I’m like 100 % sure that Kyler’s only going to get better and just so you get an idea of how well this has been working here are Kyler’s stats for his FIRST TWO NFL GAMES!!! 54/94, 657 yds, 2 TD, 1 INT. Compare that to Baker… I mean, Kyler IS doing better. And they should have beaten the Lions had it not been his first NFL game and the Ravens? Well, we’ll get to that later. And trust me, dude is epic and he’s bound to get better as the season progresses. Easy Rookie of the Year for that man. This division is about to be crazy for the next 5-10 years man.
4. “Bad teams” that are good and “good teams” that are bad
Now… coming into this year, nobody would think that the Cam Newton and the Panthers would be this trash. Well they are and it’s not about to change. Cam needs to be gotten rid of. I’m serious. He’s just not good at his job. On the flip side, the Bills are kind of figuring out this Josh Allen thing. And it’s looking pretty phenomenal. Could be fun for the Bills this year… Like more fun than they’ve experienced in a long long time. Like maybe not good good but a 7-9, 8-8 year is a real possibility here.
Moving on, the Bears, no matter how incredible their defense is, aren’t going to do much with Trubisky. Trubisky also needs to be gotten rid of. Not good. Get Gardner Minshew or something. Raiders? Boy, they actually look decent. I know they just took a beating from the Chiefs but cut the boys some slack okay… I’m confident they’re making the playoffs once they get everything together. The Chiefs are just… The Chiefs you know.
5. Real teams are that are indeed real teams and the playoffs this year will be amazing
Bro, the Ravens? Good heavens. Good god. The fokkin Ravens aye. They have arrived. Very much so. I was always somewhat of a fan of the Ravens through the years. They make it really hard for me to not to be. Their defense is always so much fun and so good and the team just looks epic in those all black jerseys. I mean it was Ed Reed, it was Terrell Suggs, it was Ray Lewis. And somehow their defense is still amazing. And now… Now? Lamar is looking like a legit MVP candidate. Like a prime Michael Vick just throwing far far better. This defense is ridiculous. This offense is ridiculous. This team and the Chiefs are SO MUCH FUN.
Speaking of which, the Chiefs are still very much the Chiefs. The Rams, even though a little bit slower on offense (it’s just the first two games) are still very much the Rams. The Patriots are a better version of the Patriots from the last couple of years. Umm… Antonio Brown and Josh Gordon help. Once the Eagles get healthy they very much will be the Super Bowl winning Eagles from two years ago (unless Wentz gets injured).
And then the Cowboys! Goddamnit! Everything just feels better when the Cowboys are good. And they are good. Very very good. Dak is looking like a legit MVP contender, Zeke is doing Zeke things and their receivers + grandpa Witten are looking like possibly the best in the world. Their defense has been great. We knew that. Jerry Jones might get another ring before he goes…
6. Just for fun – a list of Quarterbacks that shouldn’t be employed
Jameis Winston, Marcus Mariota, Cam Newton, Ben Roethlisberger, Eli Manning, Mitch Trubisky, Kirk Cousins, Joe Flacco. Not going to even mention the very very very awful team in Florida. Let me know if I missed anybody.
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