Hey eight L.A. Chargers fans who still exist after the team abandoned you in San Diego, I want to offer you a heart felt recognition of your thanks and adoration.
Why should the Chargers fans be thanking me you might ask?
Well... I just so happen to be personally responsible for their 11 - 3 record as well as the fact that NFL experts are mentioning them as a Super Bowl contender and the most complete team in the AFC.
You're welcome.
How did I do it?
That's simple. After 40 years, I finally jumped off the Chargers' bandwagon. Clearly that is all this team was waiting for. They were laying in the weeds and losing year after year. They were biding their time until they were finally sure that hanshotfirst had given them up for dead. Then they sprung to life!
How did a guy from Chicago get on the bandwagon to begin with? Well I'm glad you asked.
Back in 1978, when I was 7, my mom took me to IHOP. They were running a promotion giving away small football helmet magnets. I could have my pick of any of them... and knew none of them. I remember watching some Bears games with my family. But back then, they super-sucked and were "blacked out" on local TV. Besides, they just had a boring "C" on their helmet. What fun is that.
No. I wanted the one with the freaking lightning bolt on it! That was awesome!
This just so happened to coincide with a delightful little thing called "Air Coryell" which described the offense head coach Don Coryell designed to fit my favorite player of all time... Dan Fouts. It was revolutionary and they scored a million points. Sadly, they often gave up a million and 1.
Because they were such a novelty, and played most of their games after the Bears had already lost, the Chargers ended up being the late game on many Sundays in Chicago. I watched them all and fell in love. So did all my friends.
As we grew up, my friends all turned their backs on the hapless Chargers. But not I. I had an added incentive. I had made a promise. And I always keep my promises. One Christmas, I asked for all the Chargers paraphernalia I could find in the Sears catalogue. Before she ordered anything, my mom said "Now this isn't going to be like all that Pittsburgh Pirates crap I bought that you never wear anymore is it?"
I swore to her that "I was no fair weather fan and I would love them forever!"
That love lead me to tape the 1982 AFC playoff game between the Chargers and Dolphins on the same Betamax tape I had used to record Kiss Meets The Phantom of the Park. In case you don't know, that happens to be the greatest football game in the history of time. I should know because I watched it so much that I wore out the tape worse than I did Fast Time at Ridgemont High (well actually only a bout a 30 second section when Phoebe Cates exited the pool...).
In my 20's, I would walk to a bar in Lincoln Park in Chicago to watch the Chargers lose every week. When NFL Sunday Ticket was introduced, I nearly cried. I bought it every year and tortured myself by watching the Chargers every week.
"I will love them forever."
Well it turns out "forever" is about 40 years.
Finally this year, I gave up. I simply could not pay that money to cheer for a team from L.A. I'm from Chicago. We are so tough and gritty (insert sarcastic emoji here). How could I root for a team from glamour town (repeat sarcastic emoji)?
Sarcasm or not, I simply could not do it. I could not be an "Los Angeles Chargers" fan.
Clearly word made it to the team. Before I could even finish penning my apology and signing the check to my mother to reimburse her for that Charger gear... they got good.
Damn them! They got really good.
Now I have a lot of soul searching to do. I don't know if I can be "that guy" and jump back on the bandwagon.
But if I do, you will be the first to know.
How will you be able to tell?
The Chargers will start to suck the second I reclaim them as my own.
Then I will have to sing, "I'm sorry..."
Comments