NFL / chargers
A completely irrational and biased Chargers vs Patriots preview.
Three weeks ago, I invited the few remaining Chargers fans to thank me for their excellent season so far. Hey Phillip, remember that one time you beat me? Me neither. (Img) Now it is time to apologize in advance to those same fans. I have full-on jumped back on the Chargers' bandwagon with all the gusto I can muster. Of course this means they will now get destroyed today by the evil empire known as the New England Patriots. I'm sorry. Although I am truly sorry, I simply can't help it. I've been a Chargers fan since I was seven years old. In addition, they are playing the team I despise the most. I have to root for them. Sadly, this also means I am causing them to do the exact opposite of what I want them to do. Talk about a Catch 22... I'm not sure if there are any people on here who like to gamble on sports (initiating full sarcastic mode) but if there are, you would be very wise to bet against the Chargers (do you notice how I am avoiding including the city from which they currently hail?) If the fact that I have jinxed the Chargers isn't enough evidence to convince you to invest a little money on the Patriots, allow me to break down some of the other (and real) reasons I am afraid my boys are doomed. Young fool. Only now, at the end, do you understand... that I have pledged myself to the dark side and my team can never be beaten. Let's start with the easy one. Tom Brady is batting 1000 against Philip Rivers. That's right, Brady has never lost to Rivers. It is not even a small sample size. Brady is 7 - 0 against Rivers. Perhaps today will be the day that Rivers comes out on top... and perhaps monkeys will fly out of my butt. It's nice that the Chargers were 9 - 0 outside of California this year, but none of those games were played in freezing temperatures. Today's game time temperature is supposed to be 29 degrees. Phillip Rivers is 1 - 4 in his career when he plays a game in freezing temperatures. That's right, Rivers has played in just FOUR games when it is freezing... and he hasn't even played in one since 2014. On the other hand, Brady is 27 -7 in games which freeze other men's balls. In addition to the Patriots having a ridiculous amount of playoff experience (to almost none by the Chargers) they have not lost a game at home all year. Oh and since 2011, the Patriots are 13 -0 at home when it is below 32 degrees. I'm no expert, but I think that is pretty good. Combined age... 78! By the way, at 41 and 37 respectively, Brady and Rivers will combine to have the highest age of any two quarterbacks in NFL playoff history... and I'm still 6 years older than either of them so I can feel bad about that while my guys are getting beat. Great! Clearly all signs point to the fact that the Patriots are absolutely going to win. The Patriots are currently 4 point favorites... If I were you, I'd lay the points. However I am not you. I am not rational. Therefore, naturally I will be picking the Chargers and will be devastated when they lose. What fun is being a sports fan if you can't walk around in a miserable daze for four days after your favorite team loses a game that they should absolutely lose? Yay sports! Why do I do this to myself?
More posts are coming soon. Write your own!