Disclaimer: This post contains graphics and content that some viewers may find hilarious and shocking. The events are not acquired from real-life stories but, who knows for sure. Viewer discretion is absolutely not advised however, continue at your own risk.
“Boys and girls of every age, wouldn’t you like to see something strange? Come with us and you will see. This, our town of Halloween.” Marilyn Manson
The day of the dead and the night of the demons return every year as a stimulus for us to embrace the deepest dark corners of our subconscious. The tradition is considered Pagan in numerous beliefs but, is getting widely adopted and celebrated, resulting in a veil of weirdness prevailing the atmosphere. Such is the case in sports, where shockingly bizarre activities are gaining popularity, irrespective of their odd and awkward nature. Even I couldn’t escape the clutch but; “did life compel me to do all this?” or “it was a mere temptation of the aura”, only you may tell better. Whatever the case may be, probably this could be the only possibility for the invention of these sports.
The story goes far back in time, when I and Nala started dating, she eventually accepted my humble marriage proposal and we stepped into our traditional matrimonial life. Taking advantage of the patriarchy, we assumed our division of labor, where I would go to office, she would take care of the chores and we pretended to be adults. Well, ‘adult’ was true only for her, as in my case I was desperately trying to feed my inner child for a bit longer and was hunting for any possible craziness. Life went on and one regular day..
Me: Honey, would you please iron my shirt, I am getting late for office.
Nala (annoyingly): Why do I always have to iron your shirt, why don’t you do it yourself.
Me: Challenge accepted.
But, it took me months to show her that I could too and it would probably cost her a bit more. I joined the para-trooping classes, after a slight know-how took a plane and..
Deep diving you said? This time I took Nala with me to show her what I was capable of, (you can see her in the picture; behind me)
After the ocean trip Nala begged me to return to our previous default setting and leave the extreme ironing craze. But, I was insisting that I wished to help her in chores so she asked me to take the lawn mowing job instead.
I am a good husband, and a good husband always listens to his wife.
What followed initially, were calm sunny days but somehow deep down inside, I felt that our mower was trying to persuade me for something. I looked at the lawn mower with curious eyes, mower gave me a devilish smile back, his rims were shining like a star in the nebula and we knew that we had established a connection. We quickly found other like-minded engines in the neighborhood and we were back in action..
Unfortunately, Nala found us right away in our very first “lawn mowing race” so I along with my ride had to end up in the garage, saying farewell to our green future.
A week later she forgot everything, and while reading a book slightly expressed her exhaustion due to the work overload saying that our world had evolved so much and now men should be more than just bread winners. At that time I just nodded in silence but my heart was pumping blood and I told myself.
Me: Challenge accepted
Next day I gathered some drunken people from a nearby bar, offered them free beer if they would participate in an exciting track with me. They happily agreed, we made our contributions to purchase a huge cheese roll (as a reward), arrived the nearest cliff, rolled it off from top and so, it began..
After the start, all I remember is that the sky passed through my legs a couple of times and when I landed on a flat surface, it took me a while to re-assemble my senses and realize that I was the only one who could make it to the bottom of the cliff. Though, I could see some hanging legs in the tree branches and could hear some distant calls for help as probably some of the contestants might had rolled-off into a nearby lake but was it my problem? After all, I picked them from a bar specifically to assure my victory. It was time to celebrate as I was not just a "bread winner" anymore, I had won a ‘cheese roll’, I proudly grabbed my trophy (our pizza topping to be) and presented it to Nala. Tadaaa..
She instead of being cheerful about my hard earned prize, was furious that I looked like a scarecrow as my clothes were torn, I had hay in my visible holes and she had to clean everything that I touched while my way into home. Ah, women (I whispered); they could never be satisfied. But, thank God, she never touched that chores topic again, I also forgot about the incidence and we moved on.
But, sometimes life doesn’t let you move on so easily, later to know that some of those contestants recovered from injuries and found me in a restaurant where we along with our partners were having a nice meal. They could just forget about that event and the free beer, but no, probably they were equally weird.
In an attempt to protect my pocket from that expensive situation, I offered them another challenge even though we had nothing to compete at. But, you know; ‘When there is a will, there is a way’. We telepathically decided the rules of the game, pointed towards the nearest canal, lifted up our screaming wives on shoulders and began our ‘wife carrying tournament’.
Of course you know who won the race but that’s the only day when I wished that Nala had a couple of extra pounds on her. For the reward was an equivalent weight of beer cans, so I had to throw in some bucks anyhow, to finish off the deal in peace.
But, hell followed, as Nala was not ready to live in that crazy neighborhood anymore.
Well, we shifted to Japan, found new jobs, became parents of 2 cute baby boys (X & Y) whom I was carrying to the market when I surprisingly met my distant uncle. He told me that he was there to watch a Sumo wrestling competition but lost a huge bet and went broke. I really wanted to help him but, didn’t know how as I was a father of 2 kids who were constantly crying. I requested him to grab X, so that we could figure out something in calmness. As soon as he held him, he stopped crying but Y (the one I was holding) was still crying no matter what. Demons started whispering instantly; these shameless creatures seems to know no border and no respect.
I and uncle started arranging secret "Baby crying contests" where the player who could make the babies cry harder wins, many attempted but baby ‘X’ never could match the crying level of ‘Y’.
Uncle in the middle making bets, while X (on the left managing to HODL the cry)
The sports got popular because in Japanese belief, it is considered sacred to make babies cry as it scares-off demons but, I believe that the demons were there to assist us instead. They brought us happiness, as uncle was happy, I was happy, Nala (even though still couldn’t figure out the source of income) is happy, however our baby Y is still crying..
Thank you for reading and please do not disclose our current Naki Sumo status to Nala (if you ever meet her) as i am sharing all this with you in confidence.
Apart from her bossy nature, Nala is my awesome partner in crime, we go for almost all kinds of crazy sports and activities together and we rarely miss a Halloween.
Our picture on the left is from last year's Halloween but, sadly this year she is far due to her work and we shall miss the coming adventure.
Anyways, wishing you a scary Halloween ahead, keep your doors/windows closed or not, in any case;
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