NFL / humor

hanshotfirst
A Clueless Geek's Guide To Super Bowl Fun
First of all, please for the love of god, don't take anything I ever post (I mean EVER) as actual wagering advice. I said it right in the title: I am CLUELESS when it comes to betting on sports. If you need any evidence, look no further than the contest @broncofan99 is running and this delightful line from it "If the Patriots win then hanshotfirst will be the ultimate loser in the pool" Although I would argue that if the Patriots win everyone outside of Boston is the ultimate loser, I don't have time for that argument right now. I need to explain how a clueless guy like me has fun on Super Bowl Sunday. Before I begin, the most important step is to wager so little that you don't really care if you lose them all (which I can clearly do). In case you don't know where this is headed, I've got two words for you: "Tecmo Super Bowl" is three words so that can't be it... but it should be!Prop Bets Bet the over This one is usually a lot of fun for me. This way when I am at a party, I can go nuts for every single score... and go nuts I do! People I only see once per year at my friend's house refer to me as "that guy who screams". It is a title I proudly wear. This one may be tough this year as I don't want to root for anything the Pats do. Bet the over on the length of the National Anthem Although I really don't care about winning any of these, this one is usually a lock for me. The singers are usually huge divas who want to use their moment (and our nation's Anthem) as a way to show off. I think the easiest bet in the history of time is when Christina Aguilera sang it. If they had set the number at 15 minutes, I would have still taken the over. She put about 9 extra syllables in every word. Bet that someone unexpected will win the MVP If you do this, then you can scream every time some random guy does something good. This year, it could be fun to pick Ndamukong Suh who is + 7500 to win it. Imagine if he were to sack Tom Brady twice... sorry my mind wandered off to a dream land where Brady actually gets sacked... without there being a penalty called for "touching the passer". Not a big enough incentive? Some dude named Matthew Slater is +40,000.Look for some bets unique to these teams only Do you know who Ted Rath is? You will after today. He is the guy whose main job is to hold Sean McVay back to make sure he doesn't get a penalty for going onto the field. The over/under for number of times they will show a replay of Rath performing this essential task is 1.5. I'm going over and will scream my head off every time they show it. So you know what to look for.Set yourself up to root for trick plays Who doesn't love trick plays? One of my favorites is when a non-QB throws a touchdown. Although there will be no "Philly Special" this year, the Rams have a punter who has thrown a pass or two. It is +350 for a non-QB to throw a touchdown pass.Find a bet unique to yourself that will allow your friends to laugh at you This one is super easy this year. I happened to find this one: "What will happen to the price of Bitcoin during the Super Bowl?" Price is more at the end of the game -130 Price is less at the end of the game -110 My friends know I am that crazy guy who talks about crypto. Last year at this time I was their hero. Not so much right now. So this one will be quite fun for me. Pray for Mojo... and crypto. By the way, I'm taking the over. Please god let it be over. Wayyyyyyyy over!
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